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A handy guide to Right-wing people for the under 10s

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Right-wing people in the olden days
Right-wing people have never liked working-class people.
Not many Right-wing people are working-class people. Some are though and they are very strange. These working-class Right-wing people dislike working-class people more that the other Right-wing people do. They do not like where they have come from and turn their nose up to those who they left behind. They want to be more like the other Right-wing people. They look up at them.

Nowadays
Nowadays, Right-wing people have to pretend that they like working-class people. This is so that they can steal people from the gang on the Left-wing side of the playground. Right-wing people don’t like Left-wing people much. They are sometimes jealous of them as they read the better books than the Right-wing people do.

Right-wing people like to confuse Socialism with Communism. This is so that they can scare the working-class people with the stories of the Communist bad men of the past.

Right-wing people now think this about working-class people:

 

  1. They are simple and easily led
  2. They should only have enough pocket money to get by
  3. They should all try and get very high mortgages so that they don’t join unions and go on strikes.
  4. They should pay high rents to sterile classes such as private landlords if they can’t get mortgages. Right-wing people like private landlords. They are their friends.
  5. They should move out of their hometowns if they can’t afford to live where they were born. Then the friends of the Right-wing people can buy all their council houses and charge high rents.

Education is a license to print money
Right-wing people don’t care if the working-class people get educated or not. But they are interested in making money out of it though. Right-wing people think that all schools should be paid for by Nanny State but run in private hands. This is so that the Right-wing people can make their friends very rich. They want their friends to have as much pocket money as they can.

Have a bad tummy? Then pay for it
Right-wing people don’t think that working-class people should get free healthcare. The Right-wing people know that most working-class people will be more ill than them and that they should pay for it. The Right-wing people have lots of friends in private healthcare companies and want to make them lots more pocket money.

Right-wing people don’t like unemployed people
Right-wing people don’t like it when the working-class people are not working. The Right-wing people punish them and tell them that is their own fault that they are out of work. One Right-wing woman from many years ago made lots of people lose their jobs, but she made it easier for them to get some pocket-money from Nanny State to help them get by. The Right-wing people of today don’t want Nanny State to give out the money anymore and give them sanctions for no reason at all. This makes the Right-wing people look good, as not so many of the working-class people appear to be getting the pocket-money anymore.

Right-wing people don’t like the BBC
Right-wing people don’t like the BBC as they think it is run by Left-wing people.
That bad man Mr Farage thought that the BBC had got together all the Left-wing gang for an audience once. Of course he was just being a silly billy and imagining things.
The Right-wing people want the working-class people to get Sky TV instead. The Right-wing people are friends with one of the owners of Sky TV and want to see an end to advertisement-free public broadcasting. It doesn’t make them any pocket-money you see. Some Right-wing people still like to watch the BBC though, but still like to moan about the license fee too. These are the same Right-wing people who say that it is bad for us to live in a ‘something for nothing’ world.

Right-wing people don’t like the Arts
Poor right-wing people don’t like Arts very much. That is because the Left-wing people seem to be better at it. That is why most film directors and writers play in the Left-wing gang at playtime. The Left-wing gang have people like JK Rowling, Ken Loach and Danny Boyle to name but a few. The Right-wingers on the other hand do have literary giants such as Jeffrey Archer and Nadine Dorries.

Right-wing people don’t like funny people
Right-wing people like to complain about Left-wing comedians on the television set. That is because the Right-wing people find it hard to make jokes and be funny. They are very jealous of the funny chaps in the other gang. They don’t have many comedians in their own gang. Well there is Dominic Holland of course, but the only person who laughs at his jokes is himself.

Further Reading – George Unwell

Right-wing people think that George Orwell’s “Road to Wigan Pier” is ‘very funny.’ Yes, they like to laugh at people in poverty, as it makes them feel so much better about themselves. This is why they can’t really do satire, but are fairly competent at mockery.

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